DATING ME IS A MISTAKE




Dating me is a mistake because I am not used to committed relationships. I am used to being strung along for months and then tossed to the side without a warning. I have no idea how to be a caring, loving girlfriend because I haven’t had any practice. Most guys I have been with expected me to keep my feelings to myself so I learned how to act emotionless. I learned how to turn off the part of me that reaches for hugs and gives unexpected compliments. I can come across as cold even when you mean the world to me.

Dating me is a mistake because I detach easily. I assume people will grow bored of me so I prepare myself for the worst. I tell myself no one is going to stick around for long. I remind myself they are going to walk away eventually, even if they swear they are staying put. I have a hard time accepting happiness. Even when things are going well I will assume it’s only a matter of time until everything erupts. I am a pessimist but I call myself a realist. I feel like anyone who believes in fairy tales and happy endings isn’t living in the real world.

Dating me is a mistake because I have a shit-ton of baggage. No matter how well you treat me, I will find a reason to distrust you. I am a skeptic. I am cynical. I don’t believe in love at first sight or in everlasting marriages. I am the kind of person who laughs at romance movies because I cannot take them seriously.

Dating me is a mistake because I have a short temper. Even though I act like nothing bothers me, I am soft on the inside. I take things personally. If you hurt my feelings then I will cut you out of my world completely. I won’t give you a chance to explain yourself because in my mind I feel like I know exactly why you did what you did. I think I have all the answers, even though I can barely figure myself out.

Dating me is a mistake because I am uncomfortable with affection. I will not know how to respond to your compliments. I will not know how to comfort you when you cry. I will not know what the hell I am doing or why you have chosen to be with me of all people.

Dating me is a mistake because I cannot promise not to hurt you. I probably will hurt you. I will accidentally say the wrong thing. I will go places without even thinking about inviting you. Important dates will slip my mind. I will disappoint you. I will fuck everything up somehow.

Dating me is a mistake because I get scared easily. I will grow afraid that I will ruin the best thing that ever happened to me, but instead of telling you that, I will run away. I will hurt you before you have the chance to hurt me.

                                                                       — Dating Me Is A Mistake, Holly Riordan.

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